The Good News

According to the Mormon's:

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever...[we interrupt this message to bring you this special revelation from Joseph Smith: "While you were busy worshipping Jesus during this message, Jesus sneaked out on us and had "other sheep" folks! No really!"]...believeth in him will not perish...[we interrupt this message to bring you this special revelation from Joseph Smith: "God has decided to add a few amendments to his gospel message as originally given. Let's start by saying that in the beginning, God made them male...and very many females."]...but have everlasting...[we interrupt this message...well, you get the point!]"


According to the Jehovah's Witnesses:

"For Jehovah so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten WatchTower organization, that whosoever believeth in it will not be prematurely judged unworthy of eternal life by it."




According to the Jews:
"For God so loved the Jews." Period.




According to the Born Again Believer:

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son unimaginable supernatural powers, and that whosoever believeth in him, can have those very same unimaginable supernatural powers too! Trust me!"




According to the Baptists:
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever refuses to believeth in him, God will have to hunt them down and kill them and their family."




According to the Catholics:

"For God so loved this pagan world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life...and if that doesn't work we have a pay-as-you-go plan with over 2000 statues, icons, and images standing-by to take down your prayers and send them off to God for you"




According to the Agnostic:

God loves me.
He loves me not.
He loves me.
He loves me not.
He loves me.
He loves me not.
Etc...




According to the Atheists:
"For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him...is gullible enough to believe in just about damn near anything!"